The Importance of Consent & Safety
Consent & Safety:
Consent and safety are two of the most important aspects of BDSM & fetish play. It's imperative to understand that consent, safety, trust, and communication are pinnacles for a positive experience when establishing a BDSM relationship of any kind. Without consent, safety, trust and communication, there is no play, only abuse. As such, guidelines have been established to help protect the integrity of both participants during play. Author and Alternative Life Coach, Bo Blaze, affirms that "BDSM cannot exist without consent" (meaning that everybody agrees). The guidelines are tools to help subs and Dom/Dommes, Tops and bottoms, and Switches discover and negotiate their terms of agreement when entering into such a delicate relationship. Before attempting fetish play or developing a fetish play relationship, it is important to understand the aspects of safety, trust, communication, and consent.
The first step of establishing safe and consensual fetish play/relationships is figuring out what kind of behavior YOU as an individual are interested in. Identifying your preferences and to what extent you want to explore will protect not only your sexual integrity but also your lover's sexual integrity. According to Bo, two of the most basic understandings of safety in the community are that:"There is no right way to practice" and
"There are no rules in play other than consent" - Bo Blaze (Blaze 2).
Other important principles that guide relationships and activities in the BDSM & fetish communities are:
"Safe, Sane and Consensual" - Referencing Wikipedia
- Safe: every attempt should be made to identify and prevent health risks and injury for both parties involved.
- Sane: activities should only be undertaken in a sensible and sane frame of mind.
- Consensual: play will ONLY ensue IF ALL activities involve the FULL CONSENT of all parties associated, i.e. NO PLAY without ABSOLUTE 100% CONSENT.
Being Safe, Sane, and Consensual is easy when it comes to web camming.
- Safety while web camming: always identify health risks and potential injury when participating in virtual BDSM and Fetish play to be as safe as possible. Always encourage your BDSM and fetish play lovers to do the same. Refrain from participating in or requesting any behavior that would jeopardize you or your lovers' safety.
- Being Sane while camming: Only participate in virtual BDSM and Fetish play while in a sane frame of mind; do not participate in virtual BDSM and Fetish play while intoxicated or under the influence of any substance that impairs your judgment. Always encourage your virtual partner to do the same. Consensual aspects of camming: Only participate in virtual BDSM and Fetish play if full consent is involved. Never try to force your virtual BDSM and Fetish play lover to do anything they don't want to do. If a model feels her/his consent is being challenged by a customer, the model may block the user. Same goes for customers, if a model is trying to force a customer to participate in something he/she doesn't want to do, the issue will be resolved and the model might be subject to disciplinary actions.
"Safewords": Safewords are code words or series of code words that are employed by subs or bottoms during play that unambiguously communicate their physical and/or emotional states to their Dominants or Tops, usually when advancing toward or crossing physical, emotional, and/or moral boundaries.
- Safewords can be used to end or to communicate a willingness to continue but at a reduced level of intensity.
- Examples of 3 common safewords include: GREEN (Meaning GO, this is OKAY and feels good), YELLOW (Meaning SLOW DOWN, I still want to continue but with less intensity), and lastly RED (Meaning STOP, I AM ENDING THE SCENE NOW).
- Safewords are used more for impact play, but can also be used when web camming and are great communicating tools in general when it comes to virtual BDSM and Fetish play.
